Sunday, September 18, 2011

Such a difficult year....more quilts to come.

I realize as I write this that there are so many worse things that could have happened. I'm thankful that that the results were so positive overall.

But, I lost my Zao. That alone makes me cry, though I know it is the way of all things. He lived his 10 years and then got sick and it was over. But my Biggy bud is gone! I did take this harder than losing my beloved and very close sister, as several people have pointed out to me. However, I will attribute this to several points.

1. I was responsible for Zao. I did not observe his health going down so quickly, (Probably did not want to see) and had to make the decision to "put him to sleep." My sister made her own choices, I (and my husband) were responsible for Zao's.
2. I feel sure that my sis kew that her choices had consequences, and is in heaven and in a better place than she was in her miserable place here.  I don't know WHAT I feel about what happens to out pets....
3. Zao was my CONSTANT, "moment by moment" companion. All he wanted was to be by my side. Nuff said.

Also my stepdad died this year, he was 88 and ready to go, an entirely different experience. Life and death are old, old, partners.

I'm ready to "try" to embrace a new chapter in my life. Quilting will still be a large part of it.... quilting without Zao lying beside me while I sew.  I do pray that I will be able to take the love I have for him, my sis and my dad, add it to the mix, and create beautiful things that honor the growth in me which has come from these experiences. May God use these sorrows to create the beauty which only comes from loss and show His face.


  1. I was just wandering through blogland and happened on this post. I searched your blog and couldn't find a picture of your beloved Zao. Perhaps one of the reasons you took Zao's loss harder is because you have not yet healed from your other losses. That could also have a lot to do with the reason you didn't notice the decline in his health, or maybe it happened more quickly than you realize. No matter the reason, you should never feel guilty. After all, their love is unconditional and unwavering, as is ours for them. I want you to know that I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers for all the losses you have suffered this year, far too many, to quickly. Hugs and Blessings...

  2. Thank you so much, "Stitched with prayer." I went to your blog but I couldn't discover an entry.

  3. paulafrances, you are so very welcome. I'm sorry you thought I had a blog. I started setting one up way back then but didn't get to finish due to health issues, so I just kept the Google ID and left my profile up. It allows me to comment on blogs I enjoy without being listed as anonymous. Though it doesn't have a place to comment, it does allow people to send me emails. Hugs...