I realize as I write this that there are so many worse things that could have happened. I'm thankful that that the results were so positive overall.
But, I lost my Zao. That alone makes me cry, though I know it is the way of all things. He lived his 10 years and then got sick and it was over. But my Biggy bud is gone! I did take this harder than losing my beloved and very close sister, as several people have pointed out to me. However, I will attribute this to several points.
1. I was responsible for Zao. I did not observe his health going down so quickly, (Probably did not want to see) and had to make the decision to "put him to sleep." My sister made her own choices, I (and my husband) were responsible for Zao's.
2. I feel sure that my sis kew that her choices had consequences, and is in heaven and in a better place than she was in her miserable place here. I don't know WHAT I feel about what happens to out pets....
3. Zao was my CONSTANT, "moment by moment" companion. All he wanted was to be by my side. Nuff said.
Also my stepdad died this year, he was 88 and ready to go, an entirely different experience. Life and death are old, old, partners.
I'm ready to "try" to embrace a new chapter in my life. Quilting will still be a large part of it.... quilting without Zao lying beside me while I sew. I do pray that I will be able to take the love I have for him, my sis and my dad, add it to the mix, and create beautiful things that honor the growth in me which has come from these experiences. May God use these sorrows to create the beauty which only comes from loss and show His face.
Gone With the Wind
1 day ago